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我理解的主要是因为个人的安全与养老、祖辈的期望和要求、亲戚和周围人的看法、对传宗接代的执念几个方面，至于更重视哪一条则因家庭而异。一般更关心孩子感受的、开明的父母会因为担心子女一个人生活可能在当前和未来遇到困难而反对他们的单身主义，而相对保守的、父母对子女更多的是控制欲的家庭则往往更看重孩子单身主义对他们“脸面”的影响。
Sophie, 22
Where do you fall on the ace/aro spectrum and what does that mean to you?
"I identify as gray asexual (gray ace) and gray aromantic (gray aro). ‘Gray’ means that I fall between the two poles of a spectrum: I don't completely lack sexual and romantic attraction, but their occurrence is rare enough that I feel I fall under the asexual and aromantic umbrellas.
"A lot of aces, including me, identify as autochorrissexual, which means that I feel a disconnect between myself and the people who arouse me. I may watch porn or have sexual fantasies, but I don’t have any desire to participate in the actual activities."
Can you tell me a little bit about when you first told friends and family about your asexuality and how they reacted?
"I have a memory of being in the car with my mom and sister and telling them I thought I was asexual. My mom responded with, ‘You're just a late bloomer,’ and my sister said, ‘You just haven't met the right guy yet.’ They meant to comfort me, so I guess they heard asexual as a bad thing. That type of response is typical for aces trying to come out. Pretty invalidating, like hearing, ‘Don't worry, you're a Normal Heterosexual for sure!’ It's hard, because I still struggle with a tiny part of me that says that exact thing. We're so conditioned by the media and our culture to think in terms of that relationship structure that people who identify outside of it grapple with self-doubt."
What are some of the most common misconceptions of asexuality?
"I revealed a few already: we're late bloomers, we haven't met the right person yet, we've suffered trauma, we have something wrong physiologically, we're lying, we're repressed, we just need a good lay, we're emotionless/unfeeling, we're a weird pro-celibacy group, we're sex-negative (sex-repulsion is personal, so it doesn't count in the first place)."
How is your perspective different from someone who might identify with the dominant narrative of sexual and romantic relationships?
Where do you fall on the ace/aro spectrum and what does that mean to you?
"I identify as gray asexual (gray ace) and gray aromantic (gray aro). ‘Gray’ means that I fall between the two poles of a spectrum: I don't completely lack sexual and romantic attraction, but their occurrence is rare enough that I feel I fall under the asexual and aromantic umbrellas.
"A lot of aces, including me, identify as autochorrissexual, which means that I feel a disconnect between myself and the people who arouse me. I may watch porn or have sexual fantasies, but I don’t have any desire to participate in the actual activities."
Can you tell me a little bit about when you first told friends and family about your asexuality and how they reacted?
"I have a memory of being in the car with my mom and sister and telling them I thought I was asexual. My mom responded with, ‘You're just a late bloomer,’ and my sister said, ‘You just haven't met the right guy yet.’ They meant to comfort me, so I guess they heard asexual as a bad thing. That type of response is typical for aces trying to come out. Pretty invalidating, like hearing, ‘Don't worry, you're a Normal Heterosexual for sure!’ It's hard, because I still struggle with a tiny part of me that says that exact thing. We're so conditioned by the media and our culture to think in terms of that relationship structure that people who identify outside of it grapple with self-doubt."
What are some of the most common misconceptions of asexuality?
"I revealed a few already: we're late bloomers, we haven't met the right person yet, we've suffered trauma, we have something wrong physiologically, we're lying, we're repressed, we just need a good lay, we're emotionless/unfeeling, we're a weird pro-celibacy group, we're sex-negative (sex-repulsion is personal, so it doesn't count in the first place)."
How is your perspective different from someone who might identify with the dominant narrative of sexual and romantic relationships?
"There's an idea that we just don't get how attractions work, that we know nothing of sex and love. This is false. We are probably more aware of the cultural templates surrounding sex and romance. We don't fit snugly, if at all, so we're in a spot to observe and learn patterns from the margins. Just, these learnings can't fully be tied back to personal experience. Stories of sex and love aren't lost on us. Finding them captivating is a reflection of our culture's fascination."
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