先给大家来个大作文:
练习的作文:
The world, with more extensive globalisation, tends to be dominated by a handful of languages and witnesses the extinction of several languages each year. Some take this of no significance and as an easing factor to the international community.
Life will certainly be easier with fewer languages. It would cause less conflicts and misunderstanding when people try to convey messages without the language barriers in their way. Especially under the circumstances of international business, dominant languages used in documents and negotiations smooth the communication and bring cooperation.
Access to more knowledge and information will be given to larger population if they speak the mainstream languages, since most of researches and reports carried out so far have been written in such languages. By adopting languages spoken by majority, minority ethnic people will embrace more opportunities and become more promising in realising their full potential and more competitive in job market.
However, it is not encouraged for those people to give up their native tongues. Their languages, as vehicles of their culture, bear the tradition and values that cannot be replaced or replicated. By preserving the minority languages, the cultural diversity will be enhanced, the sense of belonging strengthened, and historical heritage secured. It might not prove easier for the commercial world, but definitely worthy for humanity.
Business community would be better off if most speak the dominant languages, though more importance should be attached to the endangered languages. Government should offer both dominant language courses and native language courses to minority ethnic groups so that they can become part of a wider world while preserving their cultural integrity.
老师评语:
Overall this essay scores in the region of a 8
Task achievement
This scores in the region of a 9
Really excellent. This essay covers everything and is written with not just an understanding of the business world, but with a sensitivity to minorities.
It's conclusion is well thought out, again brief, but it does show a firm stance that has been wholly supported in the essay.
Cohesion and coherence
This scores in the region of a 9
Flawless. The paragraphs are formed intelligently, the argument progresses excellently and there is an overall smoothness and naturalness that has a particularly academic and professional tone. I cannot fault this.
Lexical resource
This scores on the region of an 8
Some extensive vocabulary used here. Particularly excellent vocabulary includes: 'language barriers/native tongues/cultural integrity'. Really, really impressive.
This should be a 9, except for those darn articles!
'Access to more knowledge and information will be given to larger population if they speak the mainstream languages, since most of researches and reports carried out so far have been written in such languages. By adopting languages spoken by majority, minority ethnic people will embrace more opportunities and become more promising in realising their full potential and more competitive in job market.'
Should be:
'Access to more knowledge and information will be given to a larger population if they speak the mainstream languages, since most of researches and reports carried out so far have been written in such languages. By adopting languages spoken by the majority, minority ethnic people will embrace more opportunities and become more promising in realising their full potential and more competitive in the job market.'
'Business community would be better off if...'
Should be:
'The business community would be better off if...'
Or:
'Business communities would be better off if...'
'Government should offer both dominant language...'
Again this should be:
'The government should offer both dominant language...'
Or:
'Governments should offer both dominant language...'
One final point that you may choose to take or leave:
'It would cause less conflicts and misunderstanding...'
Would sound more native if you did this:
'It would cause less conflicts and misunderstandings...'
Grammatical range and accuracy
This scores this region of an 8
Really incredible work here. There are many passive sentences that are quite brilliant. This is enough for the examiner to see that complex grammar is not an issue for this student. Excellent.
'...will be given...'
'...have been written...'
This is exceptionally good grammatically:
'By preserving the minority languages, the cultural diversity will be enhanced, the sense of belonging strengthened, and historical heritage secured.'
The only error is actually a very simple one:
'Business community would be better off if most spoke the dominant languages...'
All in all another outstanding essay. The writing here reads as if it were written by a student who has lived for some time amongst native speakers. It is linguistically brilliant. However more than being accurate English, it is written with an academic and very professional flair. I cannot speak highly enough about this work